The void of love

After I ran into the rain, that dreaded Paris night. The night on which I am told I attacked Nicolas. There was nothing in my mind but the sea and the calling of EVERY blood-hunter within hundreds of miles. How can a vampire awake after four months , with no memory?   Nicki is weak now because of me and lonely, so lonely.

I decided to tackle the situation with gusto and ordered my manservant "Adonis" to purchase every book written by a vampire in the last 20 years. I then applied myself to reading them, one by one. I read Lestat's  and found it funny and refreshing, though woefully self indulgent.  I read them all.

Forgive my lack of review for the other little efforts. You see, when I got to 'The Vampire Armand' I was entranced. His life is so much like mine, we are both of us artists, both sold for our beauty. Our master's are few yet our lovers many. We are twins, in the most unlikely way.  
As I read, I felt  I had heard his words before, so willful and bold. I could see his bow-like mouth as it spoke the words to David Talbot. Half trying to shock with his own brand of hunger.  In my mind, I felt I KNEW what he might say or do next. I remember saying outloud "So like my Amadeo..." and then catching myself mid-sentence. I had never met Armand and yet somehow, I loved him completely.  Adored every strand of his perfect curls.

His voice was calling me to come to Night Island, find some solace from poor Nicki's madness. From the moment I saw Amadeo, it was like going home. He was (and remains) perfect and sweet.  Is it wrong that I felt at home in his arms, at peace? He  covered me with kisses and then called me master? How could this be? Be so right....so soon and true to my ears?

I should have known that I am not allowed to adore anyone, for my beloved. whom sang to me of a life I felt I knew. Had already betrayed me... In the arms of QUINN....My QUINN...

Now Nicki and Quinn await death and my hand and I have caste Armand from his own Island. Who truly knows me? Why do I love so utterly and so blindly in this case, what is this song that I hear?  Something is missing...so much to learn. I must face them both and face myself.